‘Aliens in the Attic’ is a Riveting Horror Adventure…Not Really
-----This film is a joke. What can you really expect going in? Not much, but you would hope it would at least be a fun kids movie. Unfortunately, the stupidity is just really stupid! Even young ones will gag at some of the material here, but at least it’s mainly a shameless exercise.
-----Kids at their family vacation house discover aliens in the attic…adventure ensues. And there it is-the shortest summary ever for the most forgettable film ever. If you watch the trailer below, and/or read the above paragraph, you probably get it, but regardless I’ll spend the next three paragraphs making fun of the movie.
-----Carter Jenkins plays the star, teenager Tom Pearson. I’m not sure if he’s PMS-ing or what, but he does manage to provide one of the film’s funnier moments as he reveals to his father that his grades have dropped on purpose because he wants to be a cool kid. I’m not making this up, that’s seriously what he says. Anyway, Ashley Tisdale plays Jenkins older sister who’s in love with an evil college guy. Tisdale looks good in a swimsuit…. Playing her boyfriend is Robert Hoffman. I was actually rooting for him throughout the film even though he tricks poor Tom and makes himself out to be a great guy to their parents. I mean, at least his character took some initiative. The only cast member even remotely likable other than Hoffman-who wasn’t supposed to be likable, is the young Ashley Boettcher. She’s the only one who manages to act. How is the tiniest member of the cast the only one capable of carrying a scene? Whatever, there are more people involved but I’ll save slamming their archetypical performances and move on.
-----There are few salvageable things in ‘Aliens in the Attic,’ one being occasionally solid stunt work, and the other being the fact that it is a pretty much completely shameless 86 minutes. It seems aware, if only vaguely, of its own stupidity, and just goes with it; so I’ll give it credit for that. On the other hand, for every well executed stunt, there is a generic CG alien. I’m not sure if young children were supposed to be frightened of the aliens, but most of the cast was. I guess I just don’t get why they didn’t just squash them, seeing as the aliens were like two feet tall. Anyway, after this 86 minutes of stupidity that only very young children may enjoy, the whole film drains from your head. It’s like it’s being sucked out, and indeed, it may have been the most forgettable film of the year. Seriously, I decided I should write this review quickly before it all drained out, but then I forgot to. Not really, I just didn’t rush because no one’s going to see this movie anyway.
-----While this is a harmless exercise that should be about 80% bearable for parents thanks to its swift runtime, there are an infinite number of better things to do with your time. I’m glad I saw a matinee, for it would have ruined my day if I saw this one at night, with no time to do other things and remember that there are plenty of good movies out there too. Ultimately, there are worse kiddy flicks than ‘Aliens in the Attic,’ but you should ignore all of them and enjoy some awesome family flicks like ‘Kung Fu Panda,’ ‘Speed Racer,’ and ‘The Sandlot.’
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