‘Saw VI’ is the Year’s Worst Film to Date
-----‘Saw VI’ is the sixth saw movie in as many years. What is it exactly that keeps a franchise as ridiculously awful as this going? It must be that cult following that loves watching people get cut up in different ways, with the hypocritical justification that it’s some sort of laughable social commentary. This was my first ‘Saw’ film, a movie I would have stayed far away from if not for the sake of this review.
-----‘Saw VI’ has the Jigsaw killer dead. Conveniently left behind however, are tapes addressing more people that he wanted knocked off, even after his own death. His wife and some psycho friend of his decide to take it upon themselves to do just that. The result is people getting chopped up in a maze due to some dead hypocrites’ anger management issues.
-----Tobin Bell returns as Jigsaw. In flashbacks drenched with an orange hue, and video tapes dealing out his final judgments, he’s just really boring; boring, boring, and boring. His self-righteous quest is perhaps the most hypocritical quest ever captured on camera. It makes ‘Law Abiding Citizen,’ another film consumed with hypocrisy, seem logical and even clever. Jigsaw’s rationale basically deals out that anyone who follows corrupt systems deserves to be brutally murdered. That seems to make sense. I wonder what would happen if he ever went to McDonald’s. “You offered me a Supersize. As if the world weren’t fat enough these days. How can you possibly live making people fatter everyday, and with such a nonchalant look on your face?” Next thing you know, McDonald’s employee #87930 was brutally murdered. That’s pretty much the reason being instilled here. Not to mention one scene where he appears in his wife’s mind sporting some bizarre blonde facial hair that looks like it belongs anywhere but his face.
-----Costas Mandylor plays Jigsaw’s primary successor, Hoffman. He’s basically a big brooding cliché of what modern horror villains are supposed to look and act like. So ridiculous is his performance, I can see him hulking around in a Scooby-Doo episode more readily than I can believe his character here. Peter Outerbridge rounds out the cast as the primary victim of Jigsaw’s newest crimes; a Life Insurance dealer whom decides who does and does not get insured. I guess we’re supposed to hate him for doing his job. Or maybe we’re supposed to root for him in the film? Who exactly are we supposed to connect with in this movie? Who is the protagonist? They all suck. I suppose if I had to choose I’d go with Outerbridge, who doesn’t do a special job of acting here, but isn’t as terrible as his one-note co-stars. Then again, all he really has to do is scream and yell.
-----Going into a ‘Saw’ movie, one would hope, at the least, it wouldn’t be boring. That is hardly the case here. The melodramatic cliché-ridden gore fest is just that, boring. It actually gets dull watching these people getting cut up. At worst it’ll make your stomach groan, if not for the blood, for the stupidity of everything taking place. The first scene, meant to get the blood pumping (quite literally) actually received a small laugh from me, watching the people chop themselves up while screaming at the camera, to what is supposedly intense music. The shock factor they strive for is useless, the whole affair becoming so ridiculous it’s a joke, a gory and boring one at that. The pace is reminiscent a bad TV show that continues one plot over many weeks, treading water for a worthless and predictable outcome. The best audiences can do while enduring this torture is to try entertaining themselves. Many for instance, may recognize a familiar face, “Oh look, it’s the guy from ‘Family Matters!’ Don’t kill him!” No kidding, Darius McCrary (not the guy who played Urkle) shows up at one point. How fun!
-----The film is an ugly technical endeavor. Filter-flooded cinematography gives the whole movie a dingy and cheap atmosphere. That and the fact that there’s about one scene which takes place outside in the whole movie (Hoffman has to get in his car). Goofy close-ups, tired environments, and a generic self-parodying musical score make ‘Saw VI’ a garbage dump worthy of the story being told.
-----One scene involves cops having Hoffman cornered. At this point, they slowly brag to him how they know he’s the one committing the crimes. After smiles and a surplus of boasting how they figured it all out, they seem surprised when he attacks them. Now that we’ve got you cornered, maybe we should put a gun on you? No, that wouldn’t allow Hoffman to escape. This is one of many terrible scenes that reinforce the horrifically despicable excuse for entertainment that is, ‘Saw VI.’ It’s like the Gladiator fights the Romans used to enjoy; except the Gladiators are stabbing themselves to death rather than actually fighting. But alas, people have been paying to see these movies for six years now! I take solace in the fact that ‘Paranormal Activity,’ a quality thriller made for a mere $15,000, has stolen the weekend’s top spot from ‘Saw VI.’ Furthermore, this marks the worst opening ever for a ‘Saw’ movie. ‘Orphan,’ ‘Halloween II,’ ‘The Final Destination’; these are some of the year’s very worst films, all from the long since mutilated genre, which has become little more than gory body limbs and unnecessary nudity. And while ‘Saw’ doesn’t contain any of the nudity those films had, I’d rather watch them, in all of their stupidity, than have to sit through ‘Saw VI’ again; a movie made by hypocrites, for hypocrites.
-----Oscar Watch: The Academy may want to consider a ‘Worst Picture’ award after seeing this one. But then, they’ll probably go the way of most prominent critics, and just skip it altogether; an agreeably smart decision.
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